The scariest thing my therapist never said

Of all the joyful, angry, tearful, full-of-denial moments I’ve had sitting across from this man, this one was different.

Me: It makes me very sad to realize I’ve never experienced true partnership.

Long pause.

Me: It’s cruel that the one thing I craved the most is the exact thing I didn’t have.

Me: But I thought I did have it. How could I not see the truth?

Staring at the crumpled tissues in my lap, I whispered, “That scares me.”

Then, deliberately meeting his eyes, I gave voice to the heaviness that had been silently anchored in my chest going on three years (or maybe a lifetime).

“I’m scared that I’ve forgotten what real love is.”  

I wanted him to disagree with me.   

Instead, he nodded yes.

With that nod of acknowledgment and the naked truth before us, this moment transcended all the other discoveries I’d had in this little unassuming office in West Austin.

This is the moment fear stepped aside and relief rushed in.

The kind of relief that feels like your soul is standing before you, offering you holy communion with yourself.

And when you accept that sacred wafer you agree to be transformed.

From bystander to active participant.

From blank canvas to becoming the painter.

From running scared to trusting what’s on its way.

This is the power of speaking truth to fear.